Clueless Late Night Chatting
by Lynn Heartnet
Summary: Bored and tired America signs on to chat with his favorite eyebrowed Brit. Who's the clueless one here?
1. Who's Clueless?

It was a little past one in the morning when the personification of that burger chomping nation of freedom we all know and love got home from working with his boss. The leader of the free world was a busy man, and he made sure that his nation was busy too with plans to better life in America. America just wanted to better his stomach with a big mac and then get some sleep. Despite his drooping eyelids he felt himself pulled to the computer by that addictive power technology has, and he signed into his IM account to see if a certain British gentleman felt chatty. Lo and behold Iggy was signed in, it was a more decent hour over on his end of the pond but it was still early.

The_Original_Captain_America: sup bro! Why da hell r u up at six in da morning?

Gentleman-Sherlock: oh use proper English won't you, twit? Some of us like to get out of bed at a decent time to focus on work rather than drag our lazy arses out of bed near noon.

The_Original_Captain_America: harsh Igster...but during noon its not bright and painful!

Gentleman-Sherlock: you accuse me of having skewed sleeping patters when you're awake at bleeding midnight? Get some rest git!

Gentleman-Sherlock: and don't call me "Igster"!

The_Original_Captain_America: awww but I wanted to chat with youuuuuuuuu! D: I miss yoooooooou! And dude its more like one in the morning here!

Gentleman-Sherlock: well its not my fault you take more than one timezone for yourself!

The_Original_Captain_America: I'm a big boy!

Gentleman-Sherlock: ...more like wide

America pouted as he regarded the screen of his laptop from where he was changing into less formal clothes, he then poked at his belly as he slipped on the baggy red sweatshirt and prepared his strongly worded reply.

The_Original_Captain_America: harsh man. I'm hurt. I've been dieting.

England laughed as he imagined the childish look on America's face right now. It went without knowing that America's idea of dieting was most likely switching to diet coke and eating five hamburgers instead of ten. Even so he could never say the boy was fat, maybe a little cuddly but his constant workouts kept off all the weight. England was secretly glad that America was still awake and talkative, although he still felt mostly annoyance at having been bothered while in the middle of a business meeting via IM with Japan, he noticed himself slipping from Kiku's conversation over to Alfred's more and more often.

Gentleman-Sherlock: *scoffs* of course you have.

The_Original_Captain_America: At least I'm not short!

Gentleman_Sherlock: I don't mind my height, at least I'll never be called an airhead.

Gentleman-Sherlock: as in head in the clouds

Gentleman-Sherlock: unable to read the atmosphere

America smirked. He could read the atmosphere as well as the next guy, maybe better. And yet he was famous for saying things out of turn when they were least needed, simply because he chose to ignore the atmosphere. He didn't know when it had started but he found pretending to be ignorant was easier, that way you didn't look like you understood all of the painful things going on in the real world.

The_Original_Captain_America: ...*blank stare*

Gentleman-Sherlock: whats wrong, Alfred? *smirks*

The_Original_Captain_Ameirca:...well...your...eyebrows...

Gentleman-Sherlock: ...my eyebrows what?

The_Original_Captain_America: THEY MAKE TEXAS LOOK SMALL!

Gentleman-Sherlock: I've been alive much longer than you lad its going to take more than that to insult me.

The_Original_Captain_America: oh right forgot you're an old man

Gentleman-Sherlock: not even close, Alfred. Try again.

The_Original_Captain_America: hmph.

Gentleman-Sherlock: come on Alfred you know I treat you better than most, don't pout now lad.

The_Original_Captain_America: treat me better? What am I a dog? Oh no wait those were the colony days.

America glared at the glowing screen, maybe he went too far with that one, but it was frustrating that he couldn't get a reaction out of England. He had this way of slipping into a mature calm act whenever he wanted when normally he would just blush and stammer some British cussing angrily. Besides, the cocky attitude was getting America pissed.

Gentleman-Sherlock: you know what I mean, Alfred.

America blushed bright red. What was he getting at? His fingers hovered over the keyboard and he tried to think of a flirtaous response when...

Gentleman-Sherlock: you know I have a soft spot for you lad, I'd like to think it's the same for you.

Oh man the little brother speech again. Bonerkill. Alfred sighed and put those excited emotions back where they came from.

The_Original_Captain_America: oh come on Artie you know you're my favorite to tease!

Gentleman-Sherlock: hmph.

Favorite to tease? What did the bloody fool mean by that? England's eyebrows furrowed, he really ought to just send the sleep deprived boy to bed, he had pulled enough all nighters as it was and this conversation was simply causing them to both pout like children.

The_Original_Captain_America: you also know that that means you're my friend

"Of course I bleeding know, you twat. You tease the ones you love in some stupid way of showing affection." England grumbled. "Fine, friends. I can settle with that for now." he blushed, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples.

The_Original_Captain_America: yeah England and America the superhero duo takin' on da world!

Gentleman-Sherlock: I suppose every clueless Batman needs a Robin

America almost squealed for joy, England just willing signed up to be his sidekick! Putting the clueless comment aside he had just called America the hero and signed up for sidekick duty! Still...he had to flirt a little more...

The_Original_Captain_America: you're pretty clueless yourself, England

England blushed again, this time his entire face burning up with the embarassment.

"He knows?" he whimpered.

Gentleman-Sherlock: o-only because I choose to be!

Gentleman-Sherlock: SHUT UP! GIT!

Gentleman-Sherlock has signed off.

America laughed, it was just like Iggy to storm off like that once he got close to dragging out his true feelings. He closed his laptop and flopped back onto his bed, his sore eyelids drooping.

"That stubborn Brit...I'll let him go this time because I'm tired...but next World Meeting he's mine~."

Honda-San: Igirisu-San, is something wrong? You have not responded in over five minutes.

Gentleman-Sherlock: uh...everything is fine Kiku, I just had a pesky American bother me is all

Honda-San: I see...and did America-San say anything interesting?

England burried his face in his hands for a moment then let out a sigh. "Captain Kirkland, The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland you are not some lovestruck schoolgirl get it together!" he commanded himself.

Gentleman-Sherlock: absolutely nothing of the sort. Total rubbish. Just nonsense spewed from a tired overworked teenager!

Honda-San: of course, England-san

Honda-San has signed off


	2. Prove it!

"Meh…?" America blinked slowly, the harsh sunlight streaming in through his windows painfully struck his sky blue eyes. He lay there for a moment, gazing at the blurry world around him (to say his vision was hazy without his glasses would be an understatement) then sighed and threw an arm over his face. "The morning is eviiiiiiiiiiil!" he shouted to no one. He vaguely noticed a familiar pinging noise, and noticed that his laptop was still sitting at the edge of his bed, and the screen was alive with action.

Gentleman-Sherlock: Good morning, Alfred!

Gentleman-Sherlock: Alfred are you awake yet?

Gentleman-Sherlock: America its bleeding two in the afternoon, drag your lazy ass out of bed.

America moaned and groped about for his glasses on the nightstand, placing Texas promptly on his nose he wiggled over to the computer, careful not to wiggle free of his Superman comforter.

The_Original_Captain_America: Arthuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur you woke me uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.

Gentleman-Sherlock: good! It's not healthy to sleep in so late! If you do nothing but eat shit like McDonalds and then sleep all day you'll get fat.

The_Original_Captain_America: Dude quit bashing my weight already, I might go anorexic if you ain't careful.

Gentleman-Sherlock: It's "Aren't" America, "If you aren't careful". Is something wrong? I know you sleep in quite a lot and quite late but this is a new record even for you!

Miles away across the ocean England bit his lip, that last sentence gave away everything, he didn't want to seem concerned about the boy. America would simply tease him or yell at him about how he wasn't a child anymore. Still, even if he didn't want anyone to know it he did care for America and was worried about this sporadic sleep schedule of staying up until one in the morning and sleeping in until two in the afternoon.

The_Original_Captain_America: something wrong? Naaaaaaaaaaaaah, dude I just didn't feel like getting up.

America yawned again and rubbed at his eyes. Heroes so don't look weak, especially not to bushy browed Brits!

Gentleman-Sherlock: I thought as much, you git. Take proper care of yourself already!

The_Original_Captain_America: I'll sleep when I'm dead! Or maybe I'll just go back to sleep now if you'll let me, Artie~!

Gentleman-Sherlock: you are hopeless. Utterly hopeless. Oh well, but I swear if this happens again I'm on the next flight over and I'll monitor your sleep pattern for a week!

The_Original_Captain_America: That soooooooooooooooo wasn't creepy stalkerish or anything dude. I'm going to bed now, I loooooooooooooove you and I know you love me too even if you won't admit it!

England blushed, his pale face flushing red and he huffed out a stream of hot angry air. The American didn't know how close those words were to the truth did he? Doubtful, the git was too ignorant to notice someone that was interested in him if they waved a sign in his face saying "fuck me now!". England sighed and positioned his slim fingers over the keyboard again.

Gentleman-Sherlock: I love you as well, Alfie.

He instantly regretted it, using Alfred's childhood pet name not to mention coming straight out and saying it? Even Alfred wasn't ignorant enough to let that one slide! England fidgeted nervously, waiting for a response.

The_Original_Captain_America: Prove it! ;P You can do better than that, baby!

"A challenge? How quaint..." England laughed under his breath, feeling a sigh of relief escape his lungs, as clearly from that message, America thought this all to be a joke. He'd soon forget about it, and then England could continue stealing glances at him during world meetings and thinking about him when he was alone.

Across the ocean, America shut his laptop and settled into his pillow, but now he was too worked up to sleep. How would Arthur respond to what he just said? England was way too stuck up to do anything special right? But secretly America wished that England was halfway to the airport, coming to visit him and surprise him with a kiss or something.

Nah, that was way too heroic for England to pull off. He should leave all the cheesy movie clichés to himself.


	3. Avengers Assemble! Or not

The_Original_Captain_America: Yooooooooo~! Who wants to come with me to see the new Avengers movie? What's that? England does? And he won't complain about the quality of American movies? Hooray!

The_Original_Captain_America: pleeeease? I'll pay for your plane tickets and everythiiiiiiiiiing~!

The_Original_Captain_America: hello? England? Anyone home?

Gentleman-Sherlock: America please stop sending a million messages at once, I can hardly reply to one without you sending another.

Gentleman-Sherlock: and as much as I would like to fly across the bleeding ocean just to see a ruddy movie, I'm sick and won't be leaving the house today.

The_Original_Captain_America: hmmm….alright then it's settled! I'll just come visit you!

Gentleman-Sherlock: ….what?

The_Original_Captain_America: heroes don't let their friends suffer through sickness alone! Even when heroes really wanna see Stark and Captain America kick ass.

Gentleman-Sherlock: America! You really don't have to!

The_Original_Captain_America: I'll take air force one! I'm sure Barack won't mind, he's a bro!

Gentleman-Sherlock: America….

Wrapped up in a comforter, his face quite red and his eyes watery, England sighed knowing there was no way to stop him now. Once you gave the boy a plane he would do whatever he bloody well wanted with it. England coughed meekly, and groaned. He hated it when America saw him like this, weak and tired. It just reminded him of how weak he had grown after the revolution. With his largest territory gone, the British Empire slowly crumbled and England's physical state went along with it. Besides, the boy was too strong for his own good, he needed more strong nations around him to keep his head from swelling. Still….it would be nice to have some company, and to have someone to take care of him….especially Alfred. England's fevered mind wandered to thoughts of Alfred kissing his nose and checking his temperature by pressing their foreheads together, Alfred cooking for him or carrying him to bed.

Hmph. British Empire or not, that sounded pretty good right now.

Gentleman-Sherlock: …alright…come on then.

The_Original_Captain_America: okay! I'll be there before you know it, Artie! Love ya!

England blushed. He really wished that boy would stop saying that.


	4. Taking Care of the Sick Brit

America tried to not squirm about and also tried not to think that he was missing the premiere of the Avengers movie. The Avengers goddamn it! And he was missing it, but he couldn't just tell England to take care of himself…When it came to this grumpy Brit, he would get stubborn about letting people take care of him and a simple cold would get a lot worse due to his not wanting to seem weak and the lousy weather he got regularly. America was worried about him, if he came over and helped out then surely England would be better before he knew it!

"Englaaaaaaaaand~! Your hero has arrived!" He cheered as he walked in without knocking or waiting to be called in. The usual wave of nostalgia hit him, just like it always did walking into England's house. Although the furnishings had become more modern (though not much, England was an old fashioned guy) and walls had been repainted, furniture replaced, the whole house still reminded him of growing up as a colony.

He walked into the foyer, kicking off his high tops and looking around for England. He hadn't heard any complaint about his rude entrance, maybe he was asleep?

"England? You in here, bro?" America leaned into the living room, and found the Brit curled up with his laptop and a blanket on the couch. "Oh there you are dude! Why didn't you say anything?" The tiny blonde looked up at America and motioned towards his laptop, America leaned down to see England typing away furiously.

_Lost my voice, and did you need to break down the bloody door?_

"Oh!" America nodded almost as if for a moment he forget that he could speak even if England couldn't. "Well just use that to communicate, mmkay?" England nodded and then typed something else.

_I'm glad you're here._

The British man normally would've added a blush and a glare to the sentence, but this time he just sort of rested his cheek on America's hand and sighed a little. America paused, and then reached out to stroke England's tousled hair.

"I'll take care of you, don't worry about it." He grinned, and then before he knew what he was doing, he kissed the top of England's head. England's face flushed even more, but it was hardly noticeably since his face had already been red.

The soup smelled good, and it wasn't burnt like England would have made it (because yes he could burn soup it was a talent of his). England was stunned by America's cooking skill, he thought the boy would have made something along the lines of a McDonalds hamburger.

"What?" America tilted his head to the side. "This? Bro I can do so much better, you ain't seen nothing yet!" he smirked.

_If you say 'ain't' one more time I swear to god I will have you thrown off the island and banned from ever entering again do you understand me Alfred F. Jones?_

This only caused America to laugh.

"Dude! I can see it now! Sorry boss man but I can't go to the meeting over at England's place because they just won't let me in! I better stay home and try out these new video games instead!" he gave an over exaggerated salute and laughed again. England pouted and huffed angrily, trying to ignore how bad his throat hurt.  
_So you really wouldn't mind not being able to see me?_

"Hmm? That's not right." America shook his head. "I would miss ya tons, come on England don't make that face we both know that I wouldn't miss a new superhero movie for just anybody." he smiled, England liked that smile, it was kind.

_Well I'm sure you'd do the same for Matthew, Kiku, or Toris._England nodded. America cared this way about all of his friends, he didn't havemany of them thanks to his strong beliefs and a big mouth (and a bigger army), but the ones he did have he cared greatly for.

"Nope, sure I would come see them after the movie and help 'em for a little while, but you're the only one I would really come and take care of...ya see?" America blushed, shifting his weight from foot to foot. England blushed as well, and noticed just how cute the larger man seemed with a blush on his face. It made him look even more childish than usual.

_I'm flattered._

"Come on, Arthur, you know that's not what I wanted to hear, am I getting shot down?" America gave a sort of half smile half cringe, he was clearly nervous and sad thinking that maybe England was trying to keep from hurting his feelings. He was so cute, those childish expressions matched with that tall well-muscled and just a little tiny bit chubby body.

_Don't make me say it to you for the first time in this way using the computer. I've said it to you before when you were little but I don't want our first time saying it like this to be through typing._

England showed the screen to America and turned his head away, embarrassed.

"Oh shucks, England! I've said it to you over the computer about a dozen times!" America laughed, a tiny bit of that Southern twang that he sometimes got in his voice when he gotcarried away and excited slipped into his speech.

_Don't talk like that! And fine!_

_..._

_I love you, okay?_

America grinned and kissed the blushing Brit.

"I love you too...Iggy-kins!" he teased knowing right away that he would hate the nickname.

_Don't make me throttle you moments after we've both confessed._

Yep, that was his England.


	5. Epilogue

The_Original_Captain_America: sooooo~

Gentleman-Sherlock: What? Don't do that America its irritating just tell me what you want.

The_Original_Captain_America: oh nothing much~! Just you~!

Gentleman-Sherlock: Sorry, give me a better pickup line. It takes more than that to get me to fly across the ocean just for sex.

The_Original_Captain_America: I'll wear my cowboy outfit~ *puppy dog eyes* I'll let you cook and I won't be obvious about throwing it away~!

Gentleman-Sherlock: as tempting as the first one is and as awful as the second one is, the answer is still no, love. I'm terribly sorry. I'll see you at the meeting this Friday, okay?

The_Original_Captain_America: okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :'(

Gentleman-Sherlock: oh and America?

The_Original_Captain_America: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh?

Gentleman-Sherlock: I love you.

* * *

**Alright guys its finally done! Thanks for being so awesome and requesting more and more and keeping me motivated! Especially thanks to youjustgotiggyrolled for being my biggest fan! If you want more chat room stuff she started her own fanfiction for Spamano that you should check out! **

**thanks for reading!**


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